I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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