Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
