So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
