she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize