My first STD was from a foam party
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
