If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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