Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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