by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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