I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
