we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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