I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
