Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
the raccoons are back...
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