I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can't put those talents on a resume
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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