There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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