Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
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