I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
