I wish I could punch you in the face.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
