I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
