Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
