i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
