Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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