I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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