Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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