A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
