i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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