what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
