I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
