How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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