his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
