just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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