If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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