Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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