I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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