Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
