he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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