Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
