Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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