i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
