im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Someone signed my nipple.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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