I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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