He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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