You don't have asthma, your pregnant
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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