My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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