I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
