i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
