I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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