is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
