She is in my trunk
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You are a genius and a whore.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
