I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
