Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
