ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
