I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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