she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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