Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
40s are totally the cure
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
