That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
