I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
