Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
