I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
