I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
