Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
