I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
