i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize