She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
