Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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