You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
