just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
