My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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