none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
