It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
