I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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