Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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