Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
