how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
