I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
