I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
